Seoul Hash House Harriers Run 2399.12 “The Lair of the LeperCon Leap” [24 June 2017, 1600 / 4PM]

Leprecons

My fellow bastards,

We start the new Hash Year with a new GM (who will be disregarded by his absence) and a flat run (on average) on Compassionate King Mountain (normally referred to as Inwangsan) on which (our Kinder & Gentler) EM LeperCon has recently installed his new – and perhaps last – hideout, The Lair of the LeperCon.  The intended ON-ON Site offers a panoramic view of NW Seoul while the trail offers view that should make the most stout-hearted Hasher swoon.

What: SH3 Run 2399.12 “Lair of the LeperCon Leap”

When: 24 June 2017, 1600 / 4PM

Where: See below map, but west of the Blue House and up on thar mountain!

Hares: LeperCon (shoe phone: 010-9099-6195)

Hash Cash: $10 / ₩10,000 (Includes pizza, beer, and what the hell more do you need?)

ERECTIONS: You are in ruck! There are many ways to get to the On-On Site; read below!

  1. Subway, Bus and Foot Option –
    From Itaewon Station, get on the Line 6 (Brown Line) and go 3 stops to Yaksu; transfer to Line 3 (Orange Line) and go 6 stops to Gyeongbokgung Station; Come up for air at Exit 3, as you come out of the exit, walk about 200 meters to bus stop and take any 4-digit bus.  Get off at Gyeonggi Commercial High School (Gyeonggi Sang-go), cross the street and switch back on the street opposite of where you got off.  Go about 150 meters to the first street that has a small brick Chinese restaurant on the corner.  Turn right and head on-on-up as far as you can go.  You will come to massive gated entrance to the founder of Hyundai.  At the gate, take a left and go as far you can go and after 250 meters to where you will find chalk marks taking you into the forest to the Lair of the LeperCon.
  2. Rich Man’s Taxi Option-

Same as Subway, Bus and Foot Option, but hail a cab, say “Jahamun Tunnel,” but tell him “U-Turn!” when you see the large Brunei Embassy on your left. Then commandeer your hired chariot as per the map and the above directions.

  1. Car Option -Follow the map!

The MAP!

LairOfLeperCon

GPS: 37.585530, 126.966066

OnOn!

LC

The Seoul Hash Tribune 45th Anniversary Edition

 

By Voluntary Hash Scribe Longfellow

 

Attendees:

Blank Space (EM)

Farty Breath (EM)

Lepercon (EM)

Choopa Cabroan (NEW GM)

Nut N’ Bone (Retired GM)

Ultraman (Joint Master)

He’s Huge, I’m Tiny (Joint Master)

Joo Dog (NEW ON-SEC)

Hymen (NEW HOOCH)

Just Call Me Snake (NEW HORN)

Longfellow (Scribe)

Rawhide

Legman

American History Xcellence

Drop Out

Little Sperm-Maid

And, last but not least, the gentlemen of Osan Bulgogi Hash House Harriers

 

Pre-Run

Gentlemen, as we all know it’s perfectly fine and acceptable to forget and certainly miss an anniversary with your loved one(s). However, the same cannot be said for missing the anniversary of your beloved Seoul Hash. Incidentally, I do apologize to anyone reading this who actually missed the thing on Saturday. You were probably with your loved ones.

It was 15:15 and a pack suitably sized to take on a Hash anniversary marking nine fifths of a century was warming (and sweating) up outside Gupabal Station. It was clear from the slurred mumblings and enhanced swagger of some Osan Hashers that they’d been drinking since the morn. Some were half-sober, others a quarter sober and the rest somewhat or absolutely sober. Whitesnake Moan was in the first camp as he briefly lectured me on the social strata of Ancient Sparta (rhymes!) to my feigned interest. As Harriers zipped back and forth to the nearest convenience store for beer there was one question eating away at us. You see we’d all gathered there to be picked up in true Seoul Hash style by the ever generous, ever faithful He’s Huge, I’m Tiny in a bongo. HHIT, it appeared, was keeping us waiting so Hymen, Rawhide, Little Sperm-Maid and I piled into a taxi and, after he read some legible Korean script, the driver roared off with us in tow to the mysterious onsite.

We arrived to discover Just Call Me Snake (surprise surprise) already arrived as well as EM Blank Space and another EM who had not been seen Hashing in over a year: Farty Breath. Despite him being the first Seoul Hasher I’d ever met he couldn’t recall at all who I was. Then again he’s probably seen so many clueless Brits abroad in his many years as an expat it’d be hard to remember one more.

After a string of taxis dropped handfuls of Hashers off the bongo finally cruised in. HHIT got out and claimed he’d only known about picking Hashers up at 15:45 and not 15:15 as well. As Joo Dog says, everything works out at the Hash one way or another.

After applying suntan lotion and watching Hymen choose which of his tops would flatter his figure more the pre-run circle formed. Legendary EM Farty Breath was called up to lead us in a benediction. He then told a funny joke about hooker hill, a Korean prostitute’s pubic hair and a c**t lit on fire before he told us “to give it a good go, lads.” Thank you, Farty. We certainly did. And what a run!

 

The Run

 

Never in my life Hashing had I encountered so many railways and railway stations on a run. It felt like the Trainspotter’s Guide to northern Seoul minus the trains. So after we galloped across train tracks and sang the Ben E. King classic “Stand By Me” we tottered down a bushy embankment to a wild, ferocious pack of lovely, adorable, barking dogs. Abandoned rail tracks and delightful domestic pets. It was like “The Railway Children” but with more drinking and swearing. And no children. Leaving the pups behind the pack started to break up (amicably) and, I’m proud to write, it was a strong majority of the Seoul Men’s Hashers leading the long line of inebriants and soon-to-be inebriants.

Not that it’s a race or anything but it should be the Seoul Hash at the front of the pack seeing as it’s the anniversary run.

As we trundled down crumbling, earthy valleys and sought shelter from the sun under the canopy of whispering trees we soon returned to civilization and the comfort of concrete rather than ankle-twisting undergrowth. And what should be waiting by the river in the trunk of a car but a manned beer stop. And it was manned by the hares themselves. After we rested, drank and worried about oncoming cramp we set off again and came to our second athletes/ drinkers split. Being the indomitable badasses we are, Hymen, Sperm-Maid and I made it up the country steps to the top of the steep fucking hill and was it fucking steep! A gorgeous vista of a busy highway lay before us as we made our way to the other side of it where a meandering sequence of dry drainage ditches awaited ahead. It was all the fun of the fair as I led the way on what can only be described as a rollicking rollercoaster ride along up-and-down drainage ditches. We passed the mysterious “Beer There” marking (pointing in the direction of the on-site), ran under a highway bridge before Hymen nearly broke his leg clambering up loose stones on a rocky bank to a gravel road. Don’t worry, gents, he survived unscathed and is as fit as a fiddle and still talking a hell of a lot.

We sprinted back to an on-site without Farty (sob) but with plentiful beer (yay) and Haberdashery in the form of a bright, orange polo shirt with long sleeves which, as we all know in our hearts, is what’s needed in the middle of summer. Pleased to see HHIT (or TTITT: Tee-Totalling Tit in Tank Top) had made it back first and safe and sound we put on our new orange tops and stayed patient for fire and a circle. And the rest of the Hashers, of course. We were all ecstatic to congratulate the Hares on a fantastic trail!

 

Splash Tales

 

Being an anniversary run and all, we broke tradition and engorged on barbecued plates of pork. Then a big, massive fire was lit allowing excessive amounts sweat to pour from one’s sweat glands (I’d done enough of that on the run).

This lowly Hash Scribe received a new name: Longfellow to refer to my scribely duties and background as an English Lit major. Other token Brit Joe No Name became Drop Out in reference to his drug-fuelled days in Vietnam.

And then on to the important stuff: the details of the GM changeover:

 

Nut N’ Bone resigned making Choopa Cabroan the new Grand Master.

Obi, despite not being there, was announced as the new Religious Advisor.

Joo Dog, who for a few years had been the Hooch, was finally relieved and made the new Hon-Sec.

Hymen took up Joo Dog’s old mantle and became the new Hooch. He was proud to pour his first cans of splash.

Just Call Me Snake, who’d been at every Seoul Hash House Harriers run since the fall, was made the Hash Horn.

American History Xcellence, meanwhile, was made something but the beer goggles have clouded my memory.

 

And I think that’s it. Feel free to violently inform me on Saturday otherwise.

 

Splash Tales

 

Unfortunately this Scribe’s phone was low on battery so I only took down a few records of Splash tales.

 

Newly announced Hon-Sec Joo Dog absent from the Hash last week because of a cycling trip. He didn’t get jerked off by an Ajumma but he did buy some gifts for Nut n’ Bone: a gangster handkerchief, condoms and a comb. How thoughtful.

 

Rawhide, a mature Seoul Hasher currently based in Bangkok, has returned for some Korean poon-tang as he calls it.

 

Ultraman got some Orian (?) beer for Nut n’ Bone and a lollipop which turned out to be a condom for the Catholic Choopa Cabroan.

 

Nut N’ Bone, returned triumphantly from China brought some Baiju (60 per cent spirit) to be passed around. The Scribe declined.

 

And so the songs were sung and the fire urinated out to cinder. Twenty-two fully grown male Hashers squeezed into the Bongo with legs and overgrown asses poking out of the back and sides. We sang to our hearts’ content before arriving back at the station.

Thank you to all those who organized such a wonderful celebration. A special shout out to the hares for a great trail and Farty Breath for gracing us with his presence.

On On, gentlemen, and I hope to see you all next week. Remember, the more the merrier!

 

On Out

Longfellow