These Foolish Things

A torn bikini and a strangled eel,
That fussy hooker who refused to squeal,
The smelly gear shift in my Oldsmobile…
These foolish things remind me of you.

Sex education class with Sister Mary
Abusing turkeys in the aviary.
Oh how those birds could SING!
These foolish things remind me of you.

A teenage virgin with no pubic hair
Wanking the goats off at the county fair,
Tonguing the tube steak in my underwear…
These foolish things remind me of you.

The navy middy blouse you wore to school,
The clean white knee-high socks that teased my tool,
Those flecks of kimch’i in your morning stool…
These foolish things remind me of you.

The way you honked me on that first blind date,
We watched your sister try to masturbate,
Then used the kimch’i jar to urinate…
These foolish things remind me of you.

The piles of money you could always earn
Helping my buddies — each take their turn,
And how your kimch’i made my asshole burn…
These foolish things remind me of you.

The things your cabbage does to my insides
Have made the x-ray man take scores of slides,
But I still love your late-night ondol rides…
These foolish things remind me of you.

You keep your kimch’i in an earthen crock.
It makes your breath smell like a dirty sock.
Just wash your mouth before you suck my cock…
These foolish things remind me of you.

Your tangy soybean paste that tastes like sludge,
And spicy pepper sauce that holds a grudge,
Remind me how I love to pack your fudge…
These foolish things remind me of you.

Your mother’s kimch’i leaves my mouth all raw.
She makes the worst hot sauce I ever saw.
But she gives head just like your poofta pa…
These foolish things remind me of you.

You whisper “kasûm,” and I know it’s “tits.”
You whisper “kongal,” and I know it’s “clits.”
You whisper “kimch’i,” and it brings the shits!
These foolish things remind me of you.