The S&M Man

The S&M Man

Sung to the tune “The Candy Man”

Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumpy street?


Its the S & M man, Oh, the S & M man,
The S & M man because he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good.
The hurt feel good.

Who can take a hammer,
Shove it up her twat,
Move it back and forth,
‘Til he finds her G-spot,

Who can take a hammer,
Wave it overhead,
And slam it on his pecker,
‘Til he wishes he were dead?

Who can take some sandpaper,
Gotta be 50 grit,
Rub it back and forth,
‘Til she has a bleeding clit?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Rev it up on high,
Shove it up her ass,
Just to hear her scream and sigh?

Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream?

Who can take a mallet,
Claim that he’s a stud,
Smash it on his pecker,
‘Til it starts to ooze blood?

Who would use machinery,
To masturbate at work,
Rip off his left testis,
And pretend it didn’t hurt?

Who can take some fiberglass,
Wrap it round his pud,
Shove it up her arse,
‘Til she’s shitting chunks of blood?

Who can take a light bulb,
Shove it up her ass,
Fuck her up the rear,
‘Til she’s shitting chunks of glass?

Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up her ass,
And hit it with a hammer,
And line her ass with glass?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Cut the bitch in two,
Fuck the bottom half,
And toss the other half to you?

Who would take a condom,
Put pepper in the ring,
Use it on the wife,
‘Cause she twitches when it stings?

Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he fucks her up the rear?

Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch?

Who gives children candy,
Takes them round the block,
And rips up their innards,
With the ramming of his cock?

Who can take a chainsaw,
Stick it up her hole,
Turn it round and round,
And make tuna casserole?

Who can take some clothes pegs,
Hang his girlfriend by her nipples,
Leave the bitch just hanging,
‘Till her tits are nearly tripled?

Who can take a Doberman,
Let him do a show,
Let him fuck your girlfriend,
While he takes a video?

Who can take a hair curler,
Turn it up on high,
Stick it in her cunt,
And listed to her fry?

Who can find some newlyweds,
Sneak into their room,
Fuck the bride in bed,
And sodomize the groom?

Who can take a glass rod,
Shove it up his prick,
Put it on the table,
And smash it with a brick?

Who can take a Catholic Priest,
Bend him over the pew,
Fuck him up the ass,
Till he screams that he’s a Jew?

Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears?

Who can take a vice clamp.
Clamp it on a tit,
Squeeze the sucker down,
Till it pops just like a zit?

Who can take a transient,
Rip out one of his eyes,
Skull fuck the bastard,
While he listens to his cries?

Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch,
And make vagina parmesan?

Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the fucker over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head?

Who can take a pregnant woman,
Fuck her ’till she’s dead,
Leave his dick inside her,
‘Till the fetus gives him head?

Who can go to the abortion clinic,
Sneak around the back,
Root around the dumpster,
And find a tasty snack?

Who can go to an Abortion Clinic,
Fuck sneaking around the back,
Kick down the door,
And the dead baby out her snatch.

Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead,
And then toss her in a bag?

Who can take a nail gun,
Climb as high as he can,
Nail his pecker down,
And then Bungee like a MAN!

Who could take a Bedouin,
An’ lift up her burka,
Fuck her in the in the ass
Til she screams, “Durka, Durka!”

Who can take a Harriette,
Lay her on the bed,
Look between her thighs,
then masturbate instead.