The Masturbation Song

The Masturbation Song

(Tune of ‘Funiculi, Funicula’)

Last night I laid awake and masturbated,
It felt so good, I knew it would.
Last night I laid awake and masturbated,
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
You should have seen me on the short strokes,
Up and down; up and down.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
Around and around, around and around.
Slam it, ram it, throw it on the floor,
Wrap it around the bed post, slam it in the door.
Some people think that fornication is so grand,
But I would rather stay at home, and calmly use my hand.